My New Year's Eve

As a kid, I remember New Year’s Eve being a night at home with Mum and Dad, our close friends and a table set with special food such as Chicken Crimpies and French Onion Dip. Sometimes we even had cabanossi and cubed cheese on toothpicks – special stuff.

We kids would play our usual games of hide and seek, teasing one another and running amok. The adults would be sitting around chatting with a small glass of Liebfrau wine in their hand (you know, the one that had the picture of the nun on the label? It only came out on special occasions or when there was no Fruity Lexia left in the cask).

As the night wore on, the excitement would reach fever pitch for the kids as we waited for midnight.

When the clock struck 12, we would run like crazed animals up and down our street, banging saucepan lids and shouting “Happy New Year!”, coming back for a round of sparklers with which we would terrorize our siblings by chasing them to try and burn them. Happy Days!

These days, my New Year’s Eve is spent with my own family of husband and two kids. We bring out the special chips and dip, antipasto platters and treat ourselves to a special wine or bubbly. The kids run amok and become increasingly excited (feral) as the night wears on. By the time 10pm comes, we’ve seen the 9pm fireworks on TV, had some sparklers and there comes a lull in the proceedings. Should we stay up till midnight or be boring and tell the kids “Well, that was New Year’s Eve! Did you have fun? Time for bed!”

Now that the kids can tell the time, they are no longer content with seeing the 9pm fireworks and heading off to bed. They love to stay up, have a night swim in the pool, (have the odd meltdown because, let’s face it, it’s VERY late and they've had WAY too much soft drink) and get ready to welcome in the New Year with more sparklers, cheering and talk of which class they will be in this year at school.

As for the adults, our night it spent chatting and reminiscing on the year gone by and comparing resolutions for the year ahead, which is all a bunch of rubbish really as none of us really have any resolutions worth sticking to, but it gives us something to laugh about.

This New Year’s Eve, I’m looking back on a year that was full of exciting challenges, new connections and opportunities. What is my resolution for 2015? I couldn't think of one so I Googled it. In a list I found of 101 easy-to-follow New Year’s Resolutions* number 59 reads:

Eat more high quality dark chocolate - it’s loaded with antioxidants.

That’s good enough for me!

Happy New Year to you!

Rhonda xx

*you can view the complete list here: http://www.simpletruth.com/community/blog/101-easy-to-follow-new-yeare28099s-resolutions/

Hit or Miss - How are we raising our boys?

The hot topic at the moment is the matter of random, drunken violence on the streets of Sydney at night. There have been widely publicised incidents of serious injury or death resulting from a “King Hit” (“Coward Hit”) on an innocent bystander by a drunken young man.

Many solutions have been suggested such as Premier Barry O’Farrell’s “one-punch” law sentencing offenders to a maximum 20 years in gaol. Others include higher taxes on alcohol, earlier closing times for nightclubs and more police on the streets. These may be helpful as band aid solutions for now, but how can we tackle this issue from a grassroots level for the young adults of the future?

Consider this scenario:

A young man has just had an argument with his girlfriend and instead of taking some time to cool down and effectively deal with the issue, he decides to have a few drinks to dull his anger. At first, as the alcohol depresses his emotions, he has the feeling of being more relaxed. But those feelings of anger/hurt/disappointment over the argument with his girlfriend are still simmering under the surface.

Now he heads out with a few friends. They are all drinking heavily and he hasn’t forgotten about what his girlfriend said to him in the argument. In fact, he may be starting to replay the argument over in his head. His anger rises although it is still just bubbling under the surface and not outwardly showing.

He is now lining up outside a nightclub, waiting to get in. Why won’t the line move faster? Why won’t that jerk in front of him stop that stupid laughing and carrying on? Small things are irritating him and his agitation grows. He has been drinking for some time and his judgement is now considerably hampered. Suddenly someone bumps into his shoulder as they walk by. He is filled with rage, turns and throws a furious punch that is fuelled by much more than just that bump on the shoulder.

At what point should this young man have had some sort of intervention? Should his friends have stopped him drinking so much? Should his girlfriend have made sure they patched things up before he left? If alcohol was taxed more heavily would he have had less to drink? Should he be thrown in gaol as punishment?

It is my opinion that the intervention should have come much, much earlier; years earlier, in fact.

Could the problem stem from the way in which we raise our boys to be tough and not show emotion, allowing anger to bubble under the surface?

What happens when we do bottle up our emotions? It is likely to come out in a negative and explosive way after the last straw has been broken.

“Stop crying like a girl”, “C’mon, be a big boy now” and “Don’t carry on like a baby” are some of the ways in which we are teaching our boys that expressing emotion is something to be ashamed of and to be hidden at all costs. With negative emotions lying just beneath the surface, even a child is more likely to explode over something trivial such as a spilt drink or unshared toy because they are already on edge.

Could the suppression of emotion that we expect from our boys create nothing more than a ticking time bomb in the wrong situation?

Is there a connection between a young man’s inability to process emotion in a healthy way and the explosion of violence that can occur once their sensibilities are dampened by drugs or alcohol?

It is my belief that a person’s ability to healthily deal with emotions is the cornerstone of a well-adjusted and successful adulthood. From the earliest age it is important for children to be sympathised with, listened to and comforted, for this is the process by which they learn empathy. Seeing adult role models in their lives dealing with anger and sadness in healthy ways also demonstrates that these emotions are a normal part of life. They are not something to be brushed under the carpet and ignored until they are so big that they become a walking time bomb in themselves.

Of course, mental health care services for men also need to be accessible in order for them to learn to deal with unresolved anger and process emotion if that hasn’t been learned growing up.

If we encourage our boys to show emotion in healthy ways at the source of issues, surely this is setting the standard by which they can live as adults. As a society, it is our duty to not only make this acceptable, but to insist that a man showing his emotions in a healthy way is seen in a positive light.

What will you do to support the emotional health of the men in your life?

*Image courtesy of www.couriermail.com.au

Cricket Australia Lets Down Women and Families

On Friday night I attended the Big Bash League cricket match with my family at the Sydney Cricket Ground. The sports action was exciting and we thoroughly enjoyed the match.

The night was also dubbed "Ladies Night" by the host on the night. So what did that mean? Well we expected a demonstration of women's cricket, an autograph session, a discount on the entry fee or perhaps the opportunity to meet some of the Australian Women's Cricket team.

But, no, the only difference between a regular match night and this Ladies Night were the polls that were displayed on the big screen asking female spectators to vote on the following 2 very important questions:

1. Which  member of the Sydney 6'ers would you most like to bring home to meet your mum? and;

2. Which player do you think would be the most romantic?

What!?

Reducing female spectators to be nothing more than brainless bimbos  only attending the game to ogle the players is both disrespectful and embarrassing. Never mind that many of us attended the game with our husbands and children.

What were my two daughters to take away from this? Were they (at 7 and 9 years of age) to think that attending the cricket is only a means to analyse the sexiness of players? Why would they think their Mum would want to invite a player home to meet Nanna? Mum is married to their Dad. And why would Mum be thinking about the romantic possibilities of the players when clearly she seems to kiss Dad an awful lot and quite frankly that's embarrassing enough!

What did the players think of this? Were they or their families consulted beforehand? I can imagine a few WAGS were cringing upon seeing these polls on the big screen. I would be interested to know if they felt it was disrespectful.

As a cricket format clearly aimed at families and getting children interested in the game, the BBL has let women and families down with this type of "entertainment" between overs. 

I will be sending a copy of this complaint to Cricket Australia, the SCG and Channel Ten. If you agree with me, show your support in the comments below.

Thanks.

100 Words

I recently submitted this piece for a 100 word short story competition. It didn't get accepted but I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge.

Pain, confusion, fog.

He feels them so acutely he wonders if it will ever end.

A jolt.

Someone is leading him by the hand to a room. The room is white, so very white. This can’t be real! He hears the echo of those sickening words again “There’s been a terrible accident”. “No!” he screams, though he makes no sound.

Devoid of sensation now he turns around. The clouds part, the sun shines through. He is lifted upwards, the fog dissipating. A lightness of body, mind and soul surrounds him. No more pain, just happiness, contentment, love.

He is home.

*image courtesy of www.theguardian.com

Hindsight

Ah yes, hello Hindsight, you little smartarse!

Here you are again, trotting in on your high horse with your “ha ha”s and your “I told you so”s. You seem to enjoy turning up late with your wise insights, don’t you?

I’m well acquainted with your cousins Self Doubt and Pros and Cons. They are nothing if not punctual, even omnipresent. They seem to be able to get their shit together and get here in plenty of time, so why can’t you? I could sure do with the heads up from you from time to time.

Sure, you have your uses. I can be grudgingly grateful for the life lessons you thrust upon me as you languidly roll in the door.

But if you can just arrive a little earlier next time, I’d be forever grateful.

My Best Christmas Never

It is the first week of December and I'm really excited that THIS, my friends, could be my "Best Christmas Ever!" How do I know this? Better Homes and Gardens, the Women’s Weekly Magazine and all of the major retailers are telling me that they hold the key. All I need to do is follow their easy to understand, time-saver tips and I'll be on my way!

Thankfully, I feel perfectly up to the task, given that I am crazy about agonising over gifts for obscure relatives, cooking mountains of food that no one wants to eat and lovingly baking fresh shortbread cookies for teachers, neighbours, friends and the postman - together with handmade gift tags of course.

Everyone in my house is feeling refreshed during December as we drag our arses through the last weeks of school, complete with a swimming carnival, drama performances and dress up days. I am looking forward to those magic hours spent gazing at my daughters fighting over the green texta as they carefully pen messages to their 238 BFFs on cards (Mum, how do you spell "Christmas" again?!)

The Christmas tree has already been set up and decorated by the little ones and in no way does it look as though an elf has thrown up on it. Presents will be carefully wrapped soon and placed under the tree, only to be patted around the lounge room by the cats at 3am, the playful sound of the paper being torn to pieces sending a smile to my sleeping lips. No matter, I can always rewrap them in my spare time.

In order to avoid a Christmas morning rush, we will wisely and faithfully attend the Christmas Eve Family Mass in comfort with plenty of personal space, a gentle cool breeze wafting through the windows and not a whingey child in earshot.

After church I will wrap those last minute gifts only to realise that I don’t have enough paper (although I'm sure I stored 3 tonnes of the stuff after last Christmas Eve). I will enjoy the sharp sting of the zig-zaggy-metal-cutter thingy on the sticky tape dispenser that won’t cut the actual tape but manages to deftly pierce my fingers. And I will wait with loving patience for my children to fall asleep so I can so I can get it all done and hopefully collapse on the lounge with a bottle of wine in front of the tele.

Yes folks, I do believe this will be my Best Christmas Ever!

Who's Paying the Price?

I like a bargain as much as the next person, but an alarming trend has emerged in the competing department stores in Australia. I'm sure you've notice it. There are the ads on TV using catch phrases like "Cha-Ching" and "Everyone's a Winner" all pushing the idea that every family has the right to affordable fashion, and lots of it! $9 jeans, $3 t-shirts and $5 shoes are certainly attractive to most families as they struggle with the demands of unemployment, mortgages and raising their children.

But how are these prices possible? Considering materials, labour, packaging, freight and display of even the humblest item I'm wondering just how much the manufacturers of these products are making. We've been long aware  of the so-called sweat shop establishments in Asia that churn out cheap clothing for minimal wages with appalling conditions for staff. In the 1990s, there was a well known global movement boycotting Nike's high-end merchandise when it was alleged that little of that large price tab was making it to the raw material suppliers, nor the workers that made the shoes. It was seemingly all going to the greedy corporates running the whole show.

Fast forward a decade or two, and it seems we now accept that everyday family items are (and should be) ridiculously cheap. In fact, the market demands it. Package it all with a fun jingle, a well-known celebrity and suddenly we seem to rejoice in the opportunity we have in this country to but a whole new wardrobe every season for every member of the family for a bargain price. I too am guilty of immersing myself in that heady, bargain-grabbing feeling whilst shopping. I usually give little thought to where the clothing may have come from in order for me to get it at such a low price.

I'm not sure what the answer is; buying Australian-made ethically made materials is one way to shop, but can the average household afford to? Sure, for one-off purchases we may be able to fulfil our good deed quotas, but given that there are very cheap options out there it makes sense for struggling (and not so struggling) families to take advantage of the opportunity to save their hard-earned cash.

I think this is narrowing our world view and creating a generation of impulse-buying, mass consumers whose only concern is to have as much of the latest product for the cheapest price possible. We need to look outside ourselves and perhaps consider just how may pairs of jeans we need. Do we need 10 pairs at $9 each or would 2 pairs of ethically made jeans be a better option? Will we want to wear these same cheap jeans next season or will they end up in landfill when we strip ourselves of our unwanted clothing? Considering these questions when shopping could be one of the ways we can be sure to make conscious and sensible decisions about our consuming.

Now... where's my credit card?