Hindsight

Ah yes, hello Hindsight, you little smartarse!

Here you are again, trotting in on your high horse with your “ha ha”s and your “I told you so”s. You seem to enjoy turning up late with your wise insights, don’t you?

I’m well acquainted with your cousins Self Doubt and Pros and Cons. They are nothing if not punctual, even omnipresent. They seem to be able to get their shit together and get here in plenty of time, so why can’t you? I could sure do with the heads up from you from time to time.

Sure, you have your uses. I can be grudgingly grateful for the life lessons you thrust upon me as you languidly roll in the door.

But if you can just arrive a little earlier next time, I’d be forever grateful.

My Best Christmas Never

It is the first week of December and I'm really excited that THIS, my friends, could be my "Best Christmas Ever!" How do I know this? Better Homes and Gardens, the Women’s Weekly Magazine and all of the major retailers are telling me that they hold the key. All I need to do is follow their easy to understand, time-saver tips and I'll be on my way!

Thankfully, I feel perfectly up to the task, given that I am crazy about agonising over gifts for obscure relatives, cooking mountains of food that no one wants to eat and lovingly baking fresh shortbread cookies for teachers, neighbours, friends and the postman - together with handmade gift tags of course.

Everyone in my house is feeling refreshed during December as we drag our arses through the last weeks of school, complete with a swimming carnival, drama performances and dress up days. I am looking forward to those magic hours spent gazing at my daughters fighting over the green texta as they carefully pen messages to their 238 BFFs on cards (Mum, how do you spell "Christmas" again?!)

The Christmas tree has already been set up and decorated by the little ones and in no way does it look as though an elf has thrown up on it. Presents will be carefully wrapped soon and placed under the tree, only to be patted around the lounge room by the cats at 3am, the playful sound of the paper being torn to pieces sending a smile to my sleeping lips. No matter, I can always rewrap them in my spare time.

In order to avoid a Christmas morning rush, we will wisely and faithfully attend the Christmas Eve Family Mass in comfort with plenty of personal space, a gentle cool breeze wafting through the windows and not a whingey child in earshot.

After church I will wrap those last minute gifts only to realise that I don’t have enough paper (although I'm sure I stored 3 tonnes of the stuff after last Christmas Eve). I will enjoy the sharp sting of the zig-zaggy-metal-cutter thingy on the sticky tape dispenser that won’t cut the actual tape but manages to deftly pierce my fingers. And I will wait with loving patience for my children to fall asleep so I can so I can get it all done and hopefully collapse on the lounge with a bottle of wine in front of the tele.

Yes folks, I do believe this will be my Best Christmas Ever!